Time

The healing properties of time are mentioned all the time, but I don't subscribe to that school of thought so much. Its all in the head, I suppose - time has very little to do with it.

Two train journeys, exactly an year apart, yet so very different. That day, I felt I was on top of the world - literally as well. But today feels like I'm six feet under.

As they say ...

The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Milestones?

Life is littered with milestones. One more part of the whole 'life is a highway' analogy that we all love so much.

What are milestones really? Birthdays, anniversaries, festivals, these kind of events are not exactly called milestones because they happen with regularity. Whether we like it or not, they come and go. Rather like milestones. So why do we assign the 'milestone' metaphor to events that occur once, or were unexpected, or marked by spectacular achivement, or spectacular failure. Who knows.

As another of these so called milestones passes me by, I see the shattered remains of another one in my rearview, one year ago. Infact, this one is shattered too.

But what makes it spectacularly worse is the fact that I can't say anything except tired metaphors. How I wish I could.

Lonely

I’m all alone
though you're all here.
Surrounding me,
smothering me
with your happiness
that I can't match.
I know you
care for me,
care about me.
But I feel like
you don't see me.
And that makes
me not real.

Island of lonely
in a sea of happiness.
Joyful, unconcerned.
Maybe it's because
I won't open up
and let you in.
But it feels like
it's more than that.
Feeling claustrophobic,
its closing in.
Crushing me.
I can't breathe.
Help...

Now I’m really alone.
You've forgotten
I was ever there.
You don't recognize
me anymore.
Have I changed
that much?
You haven't changed
at all.
It seems like
you're immortal.
Still outgoing, crazy,
the opposite of me.
But we used to
be good friends,
didn't we?
Or was I just
someone to
pass time with.
Until you
figured out how
boring I was,
and am.

I’m cold now.
I wish I could
turn to stone.
And not cry.
I haven’t
(in public)
in a long time.
But I do when I’m alone.
Nothing is forever
except death.
And I can't
seem to kill myself.
I’m too weak
of spirit and body.
Maybe,
if I ask nicely,
you'll do it for me...

~ willuholdme

[I wish I could write a nice poem someday.]

Infinite Loop for the Soul

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Something Inside

When the one thing you're looking for
Is nowhere to be found
And you're back stepping all of your moves
Trying to figure it out
You wanna reach out
You wanna give in

Your head's wrapped around what's around the next bend
You wish you could find something warm
'Cause you're shivering cold
It's the first thing you see as you open your eyes
The last thing you say as you're saying goodbye
Something inside you is crying and driving you on
It's the first thing you see as you open your eyes
The last thing you say as you're saying goodbye
Something inside you is crying and driving you on

'Cause if you hadn't found me
I would have found you
I would have found you

So long you've been running in circles
'Round what's at stake
But now the times come for your feet to stand still in one place
You wanna reach out
You wanna give in

Your head's wrapped around what's around the next bend
You wish you could find something warm
'Cause you're shivering cold
It's the first thing you see as you open your eyes
The last thing you say as you're saying goodbye
Something inside you is crying and driving you on
It's the first thing you see as you open your eyes
The last thing you say as you're saying goodbye
Something inside you is crying and driving you on

'Cause if you hadn't found me
I would have found you
I would have found you

It was your first taste of love
Living upon what you had

It's the first thing you see when you open your eyes
The last thing you say as you're saying goodbye
Something inside you is crying and driving you on

'Cause if you hadn't found me
I would have found you
I would have found you
I would have found you
I would have found you

-From the August Rush Soundtrack

Just what you want to be; You will be in the end

Nights in white satin
Never reaching the end
Letters I’ve written
Never meaning to send
Beauty I’ve always missed
With these eyes before
Just what the truth is
I can’t say anymore

'Cause I love you
Yes I love you
I love you

Gazing at people
Some hand in hand
Just what I’m going through
They can’t understand
Some try to tell me
Thoughts they cannot defend
Just what you want to be
You will be in the end

And I love you
Yes I love you
I love you
I love you

~ The Moody Blues

Remote

re·mote, adjective

1: separated by an interval or space greater than usual
2: far removed in space, time, or relation
3: out-of-the-way, secluded
4: acting, acted on, or controlled indirectly or from a distance
5: not arising from a primary or proximate action
6: small in degree
7: distant in manner

Feeling a bit of all of these in varying degrees and at various times.
And in the manner of all things that are screwed up, the picture turns out to be that of the noun ...